Satisfied
by BronzeDove
Summary: The evening had just begun when she first saw Ivan. She had seen him in passing before, but now that she watched him talk to some dignitaries she didn't think she had ever seen a man so handsome. ((My attempt at an angsty RusCan songfic to the song Satisfied from the Hamilton Soundtrack))


Mathilda smiled as she looked around the dining hall that was jampacked with Nation Avatars from all around the world. The room was filled with tables to accommodate the over two hundred patrons and there was a dancefloor off to the far corner. The walls were adorned with decorations and baby blue Starflowers filled vases everywhere.

All eyes were focused on the head table where two people sat basking in each other's presence. One was a well built man with snowy-white hair and brilliant amethyst eyes wearing a black suit, signature scarf nowhere in sight. The other was a petite blonde woman, hair and makeup done wonderfully and dressed in a stunning but simple A-line white dress with a sweetheart neckline and a glimmering jeweled belt. Her veil had been discarded long ago- restricting heels had been exchanged for comfortable flats.

Mathilda knew this because she was the one who had helped her sister, Amelia F. Jones, the personification of the United States, get rid of them after marrying the man of her dreams. That man was Ivan Braginski, formally known as Russia.

Prussia, who had spearheaded the planning for the wedding (he was one of Amelia's best friends and he had pulled it off without a hitch), stood up and brought the bustling crowd to a hush. "Alright, alright. That's what I'm talking about! Now everyone give it up for the maid of honor, Mathilda Williams!"

Mathilda smiled happily and stood, grabbing her sparkling glass of red wine as she waited for the applause to die down. Turning to the head table to smile at her sister and brother-in-law before holding her glass out in front of her. "A toast to the groom!" She cheered, the rest of the patrons echoing her a they raised their glasses. "To the bride!" She continued, earning the parroted responses from the crowd once more.

"From your sister," Mathilda began, pausing for a quick breath. "Who is always by your side. To your union, and the hope that you provide!" She paused, earning a laugh from the single nations in the room. "May you always…" Canada stopped once more as she searched for the right word. "Be satisfied." She ended, smiling brilliantly at her sister who looked back at her with a 10 000 watt smile, the look in Amelia's eyes letting Mathilda know that her sister understood the sentiment behind the brief speech.

As Mathilda sat down, staring at her silky, baby blue bridesmaid dress. She couldn't help but think back on the fateful night that sparked the relationship between Ivan and Amelia. The night that doomed her heart to this hell of desire and envy.

…

 _1858_

Just after the signing of The Harris Treaty, England and his siblings had decided to throw a small celebration ball for all the nations and their bosses involved in the treaty. He had invited Japan herself, The Netherlands, The Russian Empire and even The United States of America. The only reason Mathilda was even in attendance was because she had been forced to live in Britain with England and her siblings since 1776.

Alice had purchased her a beautiful crimson ball gown and when Mathilda walked onto the venue she felt a bit like a princess. Her honey-blonde hair fell over her shoulders in a glittering cascade and Seychelles had picked out a beautiful diamond necklace with a large ruby pendant that rested between her breasts.

The evening had just begun when she first saw Ivan. She had seen him in passing before, but now that she watched him talk to some dignitaries she didn't think she had ever seen a man so handsome. He must have noticed her staring because he excused himself from his conversation and made his way over to Mathilda.

His eyes looked so intelligent and wise and when he introduced himself Mathilda had nearly forgotten her own name, a scarlet blush tinted the young womans ears.

The russian smiled as he looked down at Mathilda who was a good foot shorter than him. "You strike me," He began. "As a woman who has never been satisfied."

Mathilda was so taken aback by the question that she had to hold back a gasp, she could not embarrass Alice in front of her bosses by making a fool of herself. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean. You forget yourself." She replied in a light tone so not to offend the empire in front of her.

Ivan's smile grew as he gauged her reaction. "You're like me. I'm never satisfied."

"Is that right?" Mathilda smiled as she gave her response.

The Russian Empire gave a faint nod in agreement.

Mathilda smiled and blushed once more. "My name is Mathilda Kirkland. My nation has many names so I'd prefer my human one." She introduced giving a slight curtsy as she spoke.

Russia smiled. "Ivan Braginski. It is a pleasure to meet you Lady Mathilda." The amethyst-eyed man reached for her hand, holding it lightly as he bowed and pressed a kiss to the back of Mathilda's cold and pale hand.

Mathilda mourned the loss of the man's hand as he let hers slip from his fingertips. "Do you have a family магнат Ivan?"

The Russian looked mildly surprised by the woman's use of his native tongue, calling him a lord in it no less. "Unimportant. _You speak my language?_ "

Mathilda smiled. " _I know many languages._ " For some reason, Mathilda wasn't afraid to let this man know she had received a higher education, she felt safe around him.

As their conversation carried on, Mathilda realised that this was what it felt like to match wit with another person without having to hear the repercussions of doing so. As a woman, she had never been given this privilege and in their two or three minute conversation she felt as if she was walking on air. They agreed on so many things and their conversation felt like a dream.

As they talk she realised that Ivan was a bit of a flirt but she decided that she should give him a chance(it's not like she could tell theman off anyways, she was completely enamoured by him). Confidence radiated off of him in waves and Mathilda knew that he knew exactly how absolutely stunning and handsome he looked.

Mathilda grabbed his hand and started to walk him towards the gardens so they could talk more in private, her eyes didn't leave his until she turned around, basking in the light blush she'd earned from her actions. As soon as she finished turning Mathilda's eyes landed on one person. Amelia.

Mathilda could tell by the way her sister looked at Ivan that she was absolutely helpless. She could tell how enamoured her sister was from across the room, watching the man as he walked with Mathilda. The representation of The Great White North hadn't see her sister in years, but those years apart never changed how she felt about her sister. Mathilda would give up the world for her sister.

At that moment, Mathilda made a split second decision as she realised three fundamental things about her situation.

"Where are you taking me?" Ivan asked as he brushed his thumb across the back of Mathilda's hand.

Mathilda forced a smile and looked over her shoulder briefly as they weaved their way through the crowd. "I'm about to change your life."

She didn't need to look at Ivan's face to know that he was smiling as he responded to her. "Then by all means, lead the way."

One: Mathilda was a girl in a world where her only job was to sit still and look pretty while her bosses and Alice made all the decisions. She wasn't a man so she was expected to do as other told her to. She was the oldest and the wittiest and was expected to be a rolemodel for the younger colonies. Ivan was an empire and she was a lowly colony, not even a country… That didn't mean she wanted him any less.

As they came to a stop in front of Amelia, the young woman held her hand out for Ivan to shake. Mathilda released the man's hand and stepped back, noticing her sisters right hand clench the blue fabric of her dress.

"Amelia F. Jones. United States of America. It's nice to meet you."

Ivan looked between Amelia and Mathilda. "You too look similar." He remarked.

Mathilda simply smiled. "My younger sister."

Two: At the beginning of her conversation with Ivan, Mathilda realised that one of the reasons he was talking to her was because she was a colony of England. She'd have to be naive to set that aside. Maybe that's why she introduced him to Amelia. If the United States and The Russian Empire became allies, it would open thousand of possibilities for Amelia's country-not to mention that Mathilda was keeping Alice away from Ivan, their countries hardly got along on a regular enough basis to have an alliance.

"Thank you for attending tonight." Amelia continued, smiling at the man in front of her.

"Likewise. I've heard so much about you, I'm honoured to finally meet you in person." Ivan replied as he leant forwards and kissed Amelia's hand like he had done to Mathilda.

Mathilda smiled in happiness for her sister. "I'll leave you too it." She concluded as she turned and walked away.

Three: Mathilda knew her sister like she knew her own mind, no one would ever find anyone as trusting or as kind. If Mathilda told Amelia that she fancied Ivan, Amelia would back off immediately, it was in her nature to put others first.

She would say she was fine.

(She'd be lying.)

…

After the ball Amelia and Ivan began exchanging letters. Mathilda knew because her sister had decided to stay in England so she wouldn't have to wait so long for postage.

Ever since Mathilda met Ivan all she could think about was the handsome man. She saw his eyes as she slept and dreamed he was with her and not her sister. The thought that plagued Mathilda's mind the most was what might have happened if she hadn't introduced Ivan to Amelia. If she had taken him to that garden rather than to her sister.

…

 _1906_

At least Ivan was with Amelia. At least she still got to see his eyes whenever they visited Mathilda in Canada.

So much had happened in the 48 years since they first met. Mathilda had become her own country of sorts and was allowed to return to her homeland. She built herself a house and reunited with Kumajira.

Mathilda had also found out her provinces had been personified as well, which lead to her going on a nationwide search multiple times before she finally returned home with the nine in-confederation provinces. It was strange raising nine children alone. Mathilda had never imagined herself as a mother figure and she wished that she had someone to help her.

The eldest four, Quebec, Ontario, Nova Scotia and New Brunswick were all around twelve years old now so it was nice to have them be able to watch Manitoba, Prince Edward Island and British Columbia, who were all around seven years old and the twin hellions that were a two year old Alberta and Saskatchewan.

Mathilda received weekly telegrams from Amelia, most of them about Ivan, all of which were burned after she saw the man's name. She didn't have time to feel sorry for herself anymore.

Mathilda already understood that, despite all she had, she would never be satisfied.

…

 _Present Day_

Mathilda watched as her sister and brother-in-law climbed into the back of some expensive European car and drove off to the airport for their honeymoon. Mathilda's smile faded as the car disappeared down the road.

With a sigh, Mathilda pulled off her heels leaned against a wall, waiting until all the other drunk nations were herded into taxis and sent to their respective hotels before hailing a cab for herself.

As the blonde watched the buildings pass by she couldn't help but think about what her wedding to Ivan could have been like had she not given him up.

It would have been in Russia to accommodate all the nations that lived in Europe. There would have been tulips and sunflowers everywhere, and for their honeymoon, Mathilda and Ivan would have stayed in a cottage away from their normal distractions.

Mathilda closed her eyes and sat back in her seat, a smile gracing her face, She would never be satisfied with the life she had, a life without Ivan, but she was okay with that. She had a family now.

Maybe one day she'd have the courage to tell Ivan and Amelia how she felt. Maybe she finally be able to move on. Forget about the man who'd seen her as a person and find someone to fill the void he left.

(She never did.)

…


End file.
